June 3, 2015

on my heart + lots of pictures

I've been trying to figure out the right time or if there is a right time to get this off my heart. This pregnancy has been so different in so many ways. There are the physical ways it's been different with slightly less morning sickness, totally different cravings, feeling much better over all than I did with Micah. However, this pregnancy has been very different emotionally too. With Micah I was ecstatic, I felt like the whole world should stop moving and acknowledge that I was going to have a baby, a real squirmy squishy baby. With Micah I also had intense, crippling fear of losing him, I couldn't sleep for days on end because of the fear.

This time around I have been surrounded by loss and heartache as this baby grows in my womb. I have had friends loss there littles early on in pregnancy after years of trying, and I have friends who found out that there sweet girl wouldn't live long after she was born. This week we are saying see you later to that sweet girl. My heart is absolutely broken! So many emotions run through my heart and mind. I feel the kicks of our babe and wonder why the Lord has allowed such pain and heartache on our friends. It has been very difficult to have excitement for the life growing inside me and grieve simultaneously for our friends that have lost so much. The guilt is overwhelming.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn. - Romans 12:15

Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. - Isaiah 41:10

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. - Matthew 11:28-30

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