May 19, 2011

on my heart

Well this is a big step for me. I am not a person who likes to expose my deeper thoughts a whole lot. I hate being vulnerable! However this has been on my heart for a while and I feel like I need to get it out there. It helps that Casey has 'on your heart' on Fridays.

I am a Christian,
at least that is what I call myself. Sometimes I feel guilty about doing so, I am a continual sinner and sometimes I know what I am doing is wrong and yet I feel no guilt. It worries me yet I keep doing it.
I am judgmental, a hypocrite, full of pride, selfish, unforgiving, scared to trust God, rarely pray, rarely read my bible, and so much more. How am I supposed to call myself a Christian, a follower of Christ when I won't let Christ take control of my life. On the side of my blog I have the verse from Ephesians 5:1-2b,

"Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ."

I see this verse everyday yet there is little I do:
to imitate God in everything I do,

live a life filled with love,
and follow the example of Christ.

I often find myself having this battle and I end up comparing my self to other Christians, saying well I'm better than them because I go to church or I don't swear, etc. However my heart is in the totally wrong place.

I am stuck in a rut!

I want to live my life fully for Christ, in every way! I want to enter the gates of heaven and hear the words

Well done good and faithful servant!

Have you ever been here? Will you pray for me?

Much thanks,


  1. I know exactly how you feel! It's hard to give up humanly instincts and to become like Jesus. But God knows we aren't perfect and that all of us are sinners! But he saved us by refreshing to know that he loves us no matter what isn't it?
    You will be in my prayers.
    I am visiting from The Wiegands.

  2. Hi Amber,
    Thank you for the visit and I snatched your button too! It's adorable and I like your blog. Thanks again for stopping in and you're on my prayer list! We are human, all make mistakes and sin daily but we have a loving God who loves us in spite of our flaws. Praying for one another is the least we can do as sisters in Christ! Keep the faith!

  3. you're not alone, honey. i've been a christian since the age of 6 and have had lots of dry spells. the Lord looks at the heart, and something i try to remember is that i would never want to bring him sorrow. i would never want to make the Jesus that DIED for me be sad about missing me. so i should go to him because he adores me, because he longs for communion with me. sometimes it's hard to do that thru bible and prayer but those are the main two avenues to truth. i also think we can be inspired through christian friends, through nature, through music, will be ok honey.

  4. just remember there is no perfect christians. it takes all kinds to reach other kinds in different ways. may you get to the place you feel comfortable. blessings. ~d.

  5. prayers for you...and an understanding of what you are going through. Jesus loves you still

  6. Definitely been there. Prayers for you :).


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